s01e12 // soothsayer X i still haven't gotten my gum yet

in this unplugged, unedited episode i talk about the importance of paying attention during a time of uncertainty, i express my desire to move forward instead of "going back to normal", and i share an excerpt from my daily morning pages. shorter, simpler, and somewhat soapbox free ;) MUSIC: feist X diplo.

Transcript

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Who is it in the press that calls on me Get a voice for love In all the music guy sees our of man is that a soothsayer bids you beware the Ides of March sitting before me Let me see his face, fellow Come from a strong man, is that hello? And welcome back to another episode of soothsayer. Today is Wednesday, March 25th 2020. And we're still in isolation right now because of this pandemic. Um, I'm not gonna talk about the pandemic, though, because I'm not a health expert. I'm not a scientist. I'm not a medical professional. I'm not a disease researcher, So I don't have information that I can offer that people don't already know. I have. Um I'm also not a self help guru. I am not a therapist, so I'm not educated or trained in helping people during this trying time as well. Um, you know, although hopefully I do end up helping in some form. Um, you know, as I've mentioned before, this show is unscripted. I do not have a piece of paper in front of me that I'm reading off of what, Lee step this present moment. Um You know, I'm going to be sharing a little bit of excerpts from my morning readings. Because why not? Um, but yeah, like there's there's no there's no script. There's no format or formula to what the show is At the moment, Um, I turn on the microphone and I run my mouth for a little bit, Usually about an hour today. I'm gonna do less because I want to kind of see if I can condense things down to shorter episodes not due to complaint or anything like that. Just my own complaint, actually, if anything of, ah, you know, wanting to play around with the duration. Sometimes it's fine to have an hour long episode. Uh, I want to see if I can get it down to maybe more like a 15 or 20 minutes. That might be nice. Nice little short bites. Um Hmm. Yeah. So And also in saying, Ah, in talking about the show and how we make it. I also don't do a whole lot of editing. Although I do some editing and the editing requires or not requires the editing usually involves, um I record I throw it on the computer. Then I listened through. I do my best to delete any, um, saws and massive stutters anytime where a trip over my words too much and you can't really understand what I'm saying. Ah, if I cough, if I sneeze or if I make a loud sound A tried to eliminate those things just to make things that a little bit smoother, I also create breaks within the audio. It's a kind of segment, different ideas and thoughts. And then I add music to help kind of illustrate the picture that I'm trying to paint with the words that I'm saying, Um, but with this, I'm not gonna do any of that. I'm gonna leave everything unedited, untouched, whether it's good or bad, whether I stumble over my words or not, which already have, um, you know, and one of the main points of me doing this is to capture authenticity and real nous in the moment, knowing that the things I say often times a day later, or even moments later, after I say them I'm like, and I don't know if I feel that way now, but this is an attempt to archive a moment of authenticity because I've found as I've gotten older in my life, that's becoming something that's more and more. I guess you could say more important to me. Something that I value is authenticity. Um, you know, whether that's with my relationships with other people, information that I'm learning, I guess. But the idea of authenticity, nothing fake, everything being really and genuine. That's something that I feel drawn towards. You know, that has nothing to do with dance or, um, ranting or so boxing or, you know, whatever, like seeking authenticity in all things is kind of white. I feel drawn towards at the moment on DSO. That's that's what I want to kind of lean into. And one of the ways in which I can do that is by capturing my voice. My in may just kind of speaking free, formed into a microphone, Um, and then I share it into the Internet world because why not? And also, you know, this is this is an opportunity for me to kind of decompress and unpack the things that I'm thinking and feeling and experiencing and going through, Um, so this is also like, in a way, a self therapy session and ah, it isn't a one way street. I would love for people to, you know, communicate with me and and respond and give their two cents and fight me on things and point out when I'm contradicting myself and where I sound like I'm full of hot air. Like, I want people to reach out and, uh, and and communicate with me about this. Um, a couple of people have I'd love more, but if there isn't more, that's okay to like it is what it is. You do what you d'oh! Um, I'm not here to tell anyone what they should shouldn't too. I'm just here to demonstrate what's true for me. And in this moment, um, you know, like I said, I really don't want to talk about quarantine and the pandemic. I'm no expert in those things. What I will say is, Ah, you know, I've known for a long, long time that a massive paradigm shift was coming and we've already been experiencing one before this happened. But I think I like I want to say that this moment now this moment of dealing with this virus and people having to stay indoors and and really open their eyes and see like wow, like these were the things that are wrong with our current system. Um, this is like that. This very much. Could be that tipping point in that shift. Um, we're now there's the majority of people that understand it and feel it and believe into and believe in Lean into it. Um, whereas, you know, years ago, if you were to talk about like, oh, a big changes coming, a big shift is coming. People might roll their eyes at you Or you think that you're just simply talking about politics and switching the color from red to blue in blue to red And what not This is so much bigger than that. This is, ah, moment where our species and our planet is crossing a threshold. And what's on the other side of this threshold? Nobody knows. I don't know. There's things that we hope that it is right. But in the end, you only know until you know, and you know, by finding out. And even then, as I've said many times before, the only thing that we ever truly know is that we don't know anything at all. So with that said, um, you know, I hope anyone who's listening to this in the moment his finding time to, ah, decompress and to reassess and reevaluate. And, you know, it's interesting, because living in a capitalist society, we often feel like our value at our worth is tied into our productivity and the things that we accomplish in the level at which we accomplish them. And so it's really easy to look at this time where, um, you know, we're being isolated. We're being quarantined. We don't go out and partake in our normal routines and whatnot. So it's easy to feel like you have to fill this time with doing all of this stuff like, Oh, well, I have to clean the house. I have to do my homework. Have to do work. I have to walk the dog. I have to do the dishes I have toe do my taxes and, um, I have to write that screenplay that I've been wanting to write. I have to read that book I've been wanting to read. I wanna watch those films that I've been meaning to watch, like, yes, these are all things that we can d'oh and probably should where I don't even want to say that. Not even probably should. These are all things that we can do if we want to go. It's also OK right now to not do anything at all honestly, like if you wake up and you just sit on the couch, that's okay, because everyone is different. Everyone has their own plan. Everyone has their own agenda. Everyone has their own method of what it takes to be productive and what it takes to heal and arrest and restore. So whether you're cleaning out clothes and throwing them into Ben's, whether you're mopping your floors or if right now, you're just kind of sitting on your on your couch and scrolling for your phone like these are all valid options, um, there's no right or wrong way to utilize this time. Um, you know Miley suggestion is that I hope we're all taking this moment to really open her eyes and ah, pay attention, you know, keep the awareness. The public conversation is really resonating around one thing, which is a big deal, and it's a real thing. But also, you know, maybe you've noticed the especially Blake. Politically, there's a lot of things that are kind of sneaking through under the radar because no one's talking about that. Everyone's talking about this pandemic. And so, as I mentioned before, this is going to be very interesting to see the other side of it, because I keep hearing this talk of Lake. Oh yeah, and then things will, like, slowly start to get back to normal. And you know, I'll say it. I don't want things to go back to normal because the normal that we had was not working. It might have been working for some people, but I would argue that for the vast majority of people in this country, and even beyond that, people in today's world, the way things have been and have been operating, do not work. They do not take care of everyone. They do not enable everyone to be the best version of themselves, right? So I don't want things to go back to normal. What I want is for things to move forward. I want things to progress, you know, I want things to get better for everybody, and that extends beyond politics. Um, although you could argue that all things are politics, because politics relates to human behavior in human action and and what it is to be in a society, which is essentially everything. Um, but, you know, stop asking for things to go back to normal. They're not going to go and nor should we want them to. You know, um, so with that said I feel like right now is it is a very important time for all of us to be voicing our opinions, reaching out to the people that make decisions and in stating your piece of what you would like to see or what you think. Um, because coming out of this thing, it's gonna be It's gonna take a lot of time. You know, it's not just a simple like, uh, he said, I didn't want to talk about any of this pandemic stuff in here. I'm talking about it, but you know, it's not gonna be a simple like, Okay, we've been suppressing social contact and distancing ourselves for a couple weeks now. It's safe to go outside. That's not gonna work because we want to avoid re contamination and and infecting people again because of things swarming too fast. So there's likely going to be some sort of like staggering, either based on, like, cities or states. Um, and it's not going to be just like all right, Like, you're you're out of time out now, go out and play like it'll be like, Okay, Like we're gonna lift some of this suspension, but we're still gonna have to implement things here and there just to make sure which I'm not necessarily arguing against that. Because when you look at how things spread like this virus, yeah, that's going to make sense. However, I also mentioned previously of that lake. What an interesting situation. Because this does open the door for for it to be very easy, to contain people or to sequester people or to implement city and state wide, even nationwide law and immediate action of certain things which, you know, we cross our fingers and hope that it's for the betterment and the best of the best option for everybody. But it might not always be, You know, if you have someone in a place of power that can make that kind of decision, that's that's a lot. That's a lot to kind of unpack. And I'm not a political expert either. so I don't want to dive too deep into that. But my I guess my point in all this is, you know, taking this experience that we are currently facing finding the silver lining, but also staying smart, staying aware, staying active. Stay vocal. You know, because, uh, this could be a stepping stone to where we finally move past archaic ways of existence and find a new way to live together universally. Or this could also be a stepping stone to where things become a lot more draconian and police state, which is a scary thought. But it's also a really thought, you know, and I'm not here to inject fear into the the atmosphere. You know, I'm not about that. I'm just simply saying, like, it technically is a possibility. And when you look at some of the things that happen in some of the people that aren't in places of power and make decisions ah, whether or not it's a likely thing that happen, it's definitely a possible thing that could happen. Um, so stay active, stay vocal and ah, keep washing your hands, I guess. But yeah, have device that I didn't want to talk about it. I just talked about it, but I'll leave it with that. Um, yeah. And, uh, part of my throat clearing? Uh, yeah. Keeping it short and sweet today. I don't want to ramble too much. Um, you know, to talk about how things were going for me, and it has an individual. Uh, they've been cut up and down lately. This last week was actually kind of fine. I've appreciated having this time to not have to go out and do things that are part of my normal schedule. Like going to school. I'm going to teach. Um, it's not that I'm not treating this like a vacation by any means, but it it has been nice. Such us, like not have to abide by social norms is for his lake. What time you get up? What time you do things, how you do things. And that isn't a Sam just sleeping all day. What I mean by this is like, um, you know, if in the middle of the day I just want to stop whatever I'm doing and go sit and read a book. I couldn't do that. You know, if I don't feel like getting around to cleaning my room with house or whatever. Like, I don't have to do it in that moment. Um, you know, uh, s so it's it's been it's been an interesting time. Um, you know, emotionally and mentally I feel OK. I haven't quite a spiral down into any deep places or not honestly, deep into any dark places. Um, in the last week or so Monday, I woke up super agitated and grumpy, And truth be told, I actually recorded on Monday, but I don't I'm not gonna delete it, but I don't think I'm gonna share it because like that, that agitated energy and that standoffishness came across and what I was saying. And while again, I think it's valid that I capture authenticity, whether I am in a good mood or a bad mood, whether I feel inspired or whether I feel jaded. Um, capturing these moments is all part of archiving authenticity. And so I will hang on to it and maybe use it somehow in some form in the future. But I don't know. I don't really feel like throwing it up into the Internet world just because it's like, you know, things are stressful enough. Why do we need another person? That's just like so boxing about social media. Um, so, yeah, uh, it's been an okay time. I don't have therapy until this weekend. Um, so this is kind of a long stretch of not going, but strangely, I feel okay. Um, funny how I think it's strange to feel okay, but but nonetheless, like, that's how I'm feeling. And I'm okay with that. Hey, I'll accept that. Um, yeah, it it's such a strange time right now, and I'm leaning into the strangeness. I'm leaning into the chaos of it. Um, not saying that I'm, like, active. Actively, Blake, Not not to say that I am intentionally adding to chaos, you know, but like, taking this moment for for what it appears to be and what it could possibly be and what it could stand for, um, and seeing how I can positively react to it and take positive action. Remembering that positive action does include choosing to not do anything in the moment. Um, yeah, I I'm thankful that I'm feeling okay. Um, if you're out there and you're struggling right now, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, uh, I feel for you you know, it's it's scary. Bye. Just remember, you're not the only person. So, um, that isn't to take away your thunder or to lessen your feelings. That's to remind you that you got people because I I fully admit it's easy when you get into that headspace. Um, and you have those blinders on like you. It's not that you you're choosing to not see the people around you. You just don't see them. You don't feel it. So, um, you know, take my words with a grain of salt. But remember that you got people around you that love you and care about you on that You matter to them, and I have to remind myself of those things every single day. You know, um, that would be my cat. She's agreeing with me. That's Lady Godiva. She's a talker for sure. She likes to honk. Um, that that's great. She's reminded me to like, keep things going. She's like, Don't don't ramble so much. Um, so I've done this on a few episodes before. I've shared, uh, excerpts from my morning pages and morning pages for those of you that are familiar with the artist's way. Um Yeah, the are artists way by Julia Cameron. It's it's Ah, it's not necessarily a self help book. Some people classified is that I see it more is just like in a way similar to kind of what I'm doing with this. It's like she's not telling you what you should. D'oh, It's like this. This is, Ah, a template that you could use, um, t help get yourself out of out of a hole or rut or to kind of change what it is that you're doing with your life. Um, but one of the one of the pillars of the artist's way is morning pages where you sit down and you write, Um, I believe it's three pages at minimum every morning, and these pages can like they're not necessarily intended to be shared. Um, and they're not. They don't have to be about a specific topic or follow grammatical rules or a traditional like structure of frightening by, um, I don't know. I just feel like I could share some of what I've been writing. Um, I've been I've been reading a lot of more books lately. Then I have been simply because I've had more time to, um, And I just recently finished reading, um, Jack Kerouac's Lonesome Traveler, which is just a It's just a compilation of Lake some of his writings from him on the road. And, um, I feel like some of his, uh, his run on sentence style is kind of been injected into my own, uh, which is I'm cool with that. I have been a Kerouac fan for a little while, and I've used some of his recordings and some of the performance works that I've done. Um, yeah, not trying to be like him, I just Ah, I don't know what I'm saying, I guess one, I guess I'm just, like, self conscious about sharing these things because these air personal things that I write down and you know, it's I I guess I'm either downplaying or trying to give excuses or reasons before you hear it, so that you don't judge it too harshly. But who cares? Whatever. Right. So this is just a neck, sir. Treasure junk cluttered desk holding fragments of past president future and the paper scraps and knickknacks littering the wooden surface jutting here and there to create a most peculiar alien surface where tiny people would climb, crawl and scramble in order to explore and gain more insight into. They had knowledge of objects. Ceramic porcelain, stoneware mugs, Klink and clank. When the desk shifts ever so slightly, coffee cups filled to the brim with Aaron the holdings of a time before. Now everything is always different, and right now this difference is much more apparent. Slips of paper, pepper the landscape with shots of information that one strung together look like the scribblings of a madman. You caught me red handed and semi star crossed as I tossed together words from the tip of my tied tongue. Dead batteries and candy coverings sit untouched, as if shrines to an unseen goddess of divine Elektronik. Chords and cards tangled in Celtic knots, crossed and twisted, strewn about like ivy tendrils, sneaking along the silent forest floor to snatch the ankles of an unsuspecting victim, trekking through redwoods and fog to seek shelter and clean water. I had a strange dream last night where I was performing with a group at some sort of school, and I didn't quite know the material, but it was happening nonetheless, and at one point I was told to cross the stage and asked the audience for a piece of gum. Well, as the scene continued, I finally stood up in the audience and exclaimed, I still haven't gotten my gum yet! And lo and behold, I was instantly showered with sticks of gum, bags of chips and a roaring applause from the audience. The show was over and it was time to go, so I rushed to pick everything up. But the group was already leaving and I asked a taller boy who was there with me toe wait. And as I attempted to run, I couldn't. My legs were like jelly, and I struggled to move. I finally made it to the parking lot and through all of my stuff, in the car. Then I woke up. I wonder if people enjoyed the performance. Fascinating. How in her mind's eye we can create a sea of people and those people have names and faces and origin stories. They have memories of what life was like growing up, and they have love, interests and things they despise. And I wonder if and their dreams, they ask me for a stick of gum. Do I oblige? Do I cheer and my receptive audience member. Or am I a jaded crim agin sitting with crossed arms and across expression? Because I feel like I've seen better. When someone dreams of me, I wonder what kind of person I am. And if I'm kind and compassionate. Or maybe I'm a monster with razor sharp talons and dynamite teeth that explode when I chop you into bits. Words of fire and daggers spitting into the wind and onto your face. Maybe it's the opposite, and I'm nothing but a mouse. No smaller. Maybe I'm nothing but a bug, no, even smaller. Maybe I'm simply a speck of dust floating through air caught in the light beam from your desk lamp and vanished into the dark as you flick it with a switch. So there you have it, my friends. Ah superfast episode today. Ah, with no edits that, uh, um cool, yeah, I don't know, I It's hard because when I think about this as a podcast, which technically that's what it is, it's hard not to compare it to other podcasts and think of how so many people love these other things and how these other things were so popular. and that's okay. I love a lot of these things to, you know, um, I am my own person. I do my own thing, I make my own thing. And I can't be too concerned with whether or not people like it. As long as I'm following my A songs, I'm following what's true for me. And, um, you know, that's that's all I can ask for. Um, you know, if you like what you're hearing, let me know. If you don't like what you're hearing, let me know if you have a suggestion of what you would like to hear, let me know. Um, yeah, I guess that's it. Um, so, you know, I will attempt to do an episode weekly. Well, see, I don't want to put pressure on myself of having to stick to that, but it could be fun. Cool. Um, and I keep rambling, so I'm gonna just say that, you know, I've said a lot of things today, as I normally do. Uh, and in my short existence thus far, I've learned that there really only two things that are worth ever being said. And those two things are the words. Thank you. And the words I love you So to everyone out there listening and to everyone out there that is not listening. I just want to say thank you. I love you as always. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, you can reach out to me through my website Alexander Donna's dot com, where you can find me on instagram at Soup World. That's S O T h w are healthy. Or you could talk to me in person and we can hang out on dhe. Uh uh. Technically, we're not supposed to be hanging out right now, but we can hang out from the fire because guess what? Friends could love you from afar. It's okay. You don't always have to be next to each other as always. Everything said with love. So stay, say, spread the word. Thanks.